Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? female
Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. Even if she was on birth control. But they should try and work together to create a decent life for the child it does not have to be in a relationship with one another though. Unbelievable After 2 months, I initiated for a comeback. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. I know Im stretching here, but I think the LW and her ex would do better to break up for good. Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. Now Im confused. For someone who cant stand a woman and does not want to have a child you think he would make slightly more responsibly decisions. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. But I believe theres a definite difference. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. Now after checking his texts, why did you confront the other women? Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? And its not because either sex is evil or worse than the other. So, in other words, men should only have oral sex no, wait, not even that, because the STD risk remains but that women can have all the se they want, because they have the option of aborting a resulting pregnancy? Take this as a lesson learned. If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. It is scummy though. Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. You can have a spirited and logical debate, and still keep it interesting and above board. I dont see why this issue is any different. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. Liberals only think of themselves. His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesnt love and doesnt want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesnt be with her. That was supposed to be a reply to Temperance, not ele4phant. If he is 40 years old and still acting like a child chances are youre going to be stuck holding the bag. Its when I disagree that I usually feel I want to write a comment. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. But hes 40?! ele4phant You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? I have a friend in somewhat related situation. I know youve been in a tough situation and the fact that you and your daughter came out of it the amazingly awesome people you are shows that all a kid needs is an amazing mother who wants to provide for her kid at whatever cost to herself. slept with someone else. Bow out gracefully and give him the space he doesnt know he needs to get his life together. Bottom line. Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. Just sayin. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. Men should be held at least halfway responsible for the resulting pregnancy and child but should have no authority to decide upon his involvement. Pardon me, butare you fucking KIDDING me?! And those rapists who raped them get the money? I agree with you regarding being a part of the childs life but I dont agree with you on the money aspect. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. Whats the matter? Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. It takes two to make a baby. Abortion is a very personal choice and whether or not this woman chooses to have one is entirely HER business. If he isnt willing to be there for his kid, wanted or not, then what happens when you get pregnant? Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child.
He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. My mother taught me better than that. I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. Honestly, why would you want to put yourself in a permanent relationship who a) has encouraged his baby mommy to abort the child for the sake of convenience and 2) who has sex with people he cannot stand? or if shes just done too many drugs or something and her brain is rotting away. is significantly higher than the risk of contracting HIV, which is actually not all that contagious. I think shes nothing but a little scroat. The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. I think both you and JR are twisting this around to make it sound like we dont like the dude because were prudes who dont believe in casual sex, or that were siding with the LW or something, when most of us actually said that we believe that the LW is as scumy as the dude. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. You and the baby are the victims. Jimmy and Susie are in love. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. Theres a fun scenario. When I was on the pill, my ex boyfriend STILL used condoms to make sure it was safe. They came first. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. And WHY did he not practice safe sex since he only knew her 2 minutes? iseeshiny But sometimes, we don't even realize just how painful they are until after they've happened, and the person you love . Hes probably the worlds most prolific internet commenter. So the system is very one sided. April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged. I feel stupid once again and a part of me feels that he may come back to me again and I really dont want to be involved, but Im so weak and dont know how to let go. Your are putting words into peoples mouths. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. hamster van beethoven All I could think about when I read this letter was what an awful situation that child is going to be exposed to, through no fault of his/her own. But you know what? In other cases, receiving a text from an ex can immediately bring up feelings of annoyance, dread or even fear particularly if the relationship was a toxic and unhappy one that you want distance from. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): A
Because when the woman has a baby, she isnt a slave to anything. bittergaymark Their choice, honey. I never grew up thinking there was something wrong with me because my biological father wasnt ready or willing to be a father to me. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. End. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. RunsWithScissors Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. Your biological child. Thanks for proving you and your ilk are out to entrap men to sustain your lifestyle by dropping as many babies as you can..and living on welfare checks honest people pay for..SLUT! Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? BACKFIRES! There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. Three babies? Last I checked being gay doesnt mean you are also a genius who never makes mistakes. meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. Will he react the same? Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me way back in the day was Listen. By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. It will never be equal. Email usyour questions for Dr. Sherry now and be sure to include Ask Dr. Sherry in the subject line. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. Stop going backwards. To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. No interest in fatherhood? Its not exactly the same by any means, but similar enough for me to have thought it. Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. He chose to roll the dice and take his chances with intercourse. But really, no one knows his true reaction. And hes 28. Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. lets_be_honest The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. April 10, 2012, 11:41 am. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. As for the whole mans right to not be a parent to a child thing, I agree with _jsw_. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. Basically, he is dumping you and moving on. SpaceySteph I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH* My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. You know what bothers me, if the lady wasnt pregnant would he have told you of the affair? Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. We dont know that she asked for any money. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. Dude and LW split, Dude meets Lady, Dude and Lady go home together. Sleeping with someone so soon after a breakup? According to this, then, a woman should have the choice of forcing the child, once born, onto the father, and then only paying child support for a couple of decades. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. You are too funny John. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. I give up. They probably hang out for a few weeks more, she kind of gets on his nerves for whatever reason and starts to bug the shit out of him. Do you know how much day care alone is a month? Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. Placement deals with where they are physically. When they were last together, he cheated on her many times and got another girl pregnant. Does he think hes too old to be a dad?
Oh, good lord. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. Sure sure you have sex, theres always the possibility of a child. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception. You are upset that someone read browbeat into the word ask but you have no problem making up a whole conversation in your head in the same breath no less even though the LW was explicit. FYI first time posting but long time reader. Grow the fuck up! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, LW? Is that pretty much it? SpaceySteph Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. Why would you disregard opinions that are based on the data thats actually there, and then defend yours which is based on a guess you made about people you dont know? AndreaMarie Bless This Mess. A forty-year-old man knows exactly how women get pregnant and how to avoid that if he absolutely doesnt want a baby. Thats why we never used condoms. My boyfriend got a girl pregnant during a breakup. What should - Quora Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. I dont think hes scum based on this either. .. but what if she did deceive him? Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). If you were instrumental in the making of the child congratulations it is yours. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. If you have any self respect, dump the sob. And, lo and behold, you arent coming across any better. While youre at it make sure to pop out a few more kids yourself, too.
Crazy likes crazy. Therefore, move on. at risk of STDs. Steve Kellmeyer I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on. You said it better, but I jumped back in before seeing your replies. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! I dont think a woman should ever have to have an abortion, but if the father decides early on that he doesnt want the child, I think he should have the same rights to get out of it as the woman does. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. He sounds wholly unlikable so I think its doubtful she wants anything to do with him, especially now. Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. ColorsOfTheWind April 9, 2012, 12:13 pm. bittergaymark It seems like the LW is painting the woman in this scenario as the sole person responsible for the pregnancy. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. April 9, 2012, 11:41 am. 60+ years on this ball-o-dirt and witnessing the madness going on around this place, as well as being an honest-to-God Christian. He loves me but got someone else pregnant - Love Letters.com I hope your boyfriend will reconsider not being a part of this babys life. If he doesnt want to have children that much, yes, he should be the one to do everything to prevent it. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. One common definition: a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response. Given that youve never met him, how is it that you can be so sure of that? Actually no. It doesnt make sense. (i.e. That woman, Kaihla Rettinger, gave birth to the model-turned-Midtown South cop's son on Nov. 5, Radar reported three days after McLoughlin, 27, met Lambert, 35, while she was performing on . Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. evanscr05 bittergaymark Twitter Debates 16-Year Age Gap Between Jaylen Brown & Mouthwatering Meemaw Bernice Burgos, Barbie Gyal Nicki Minaj Returns From Hiatus And Sets Di Road Ablaze At Trinidad Carnival 2023, Rain Pon Meeee: Ashanti Reminds Everyone How Feathered And FINE She Was At Trinidad Carnival 2019, Chaka Khan Shows No Mercy Blasting Mary J. Blige, Mariah Carey & Other Names On Rolling Stone's 'Greatest Singers' List, Funniest (And Pettiest) Tweets From NBA All-Star Weekend 2023. But thats a crime? bittergaymark Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). That isnt the case. If this happens, he STILL should not be welcomed back. As others have said, arguably this is more denial and shock than actual fury. Its as simple as saying you are on the pill when you arent. Admirable restraint indeed. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). Those double standards take up too much room. Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. But still. Thats shitty. As we established earlier, men dont really have the option to walk out on a fetus, because the fetus doesnt need anything from them yet (although certainly dads-to-be provide a lot of support to moms-to-be in most cases). i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. Seriously? We Broke Up; He Had a Baby. Less than a year after our breakup, my He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. 1. Instead of re-commenting this in the 23 different places above where it applies, Ill say it here (again): Why is everyone assuming he didnt use a condom? So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. The scapegoats arent really the point- women, minorities, the government, poor people, rich people- it doesnt really matter. If women insist on compelling child support from the man, then dont whine if society insists that women support the child until birth. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. April 9, 2012, 6:25 pm, Jesus fucking christ! Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. He hadnt. Youve never used malarky in any prior comment, so I just dont believe you. because, no one can give you a 100% guarantee that none of that will happen. LW, your BF impregnates another woman AND you think that you are entitled to an opinion about whether she should keep her unborn child? Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Briana DeJesus: PROOF Her Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant Revealed